Dealing With Loneliness Over 50

Effective Strategies for Building Lasting Friendships

Loneliness can creep up on us as we get older. I’ve found that it was easier to make friends when we were younger. Remember back in junior high or high school? We were changing classes every hour, had lunch breaks, and were constantly surrounded by people. But as we age, our social circles often shrink, and making new friends can feel daunting.

I’ve talked to many people who find it harder to make friends as they get older. They feel isolated from family and people they’ve been close with for a long time. Our society has created a scenario where we often move away and lose touch with those we grew up with or went to college with. To maintain an active social life, we have to be proactive.

It’s true that some people are perfectly content with a small circle or even being alone. But if you’re reading this, you’re likely looking for ways to enrich your social life. Here are three tips to help you combat loneliness and build lasting friendships after 50.

1. Get Involved in Something

Volunteer, join a club, or get involved in a community organization. If you’re still working, there are likely trade associations, business groups, or Chambers of Commerce you can join. However, it’s important to realize that building relationships takes time. Showing up once or twice won’t instantly make people your best friends. You need to be committed to the long haul. Attend meetings and events regularly for at least two to three years to see the real payoff.

Many people give up too soon, saying, “No one really talked to me.” But I ask, “How many times did you go?” Often, the answer is just a few times. People don’t usually notice you exist until they’ve seen you seven to ten times. Not every person you meet will become a friend, so it’s a numbers game. Stay committed, and over time, you’ll find your place in the group.

2. Be a Giver, Not a Getter

When you’re looking to make new friends, approach it with a giving mindset. Show up ready to help others. Volunteer, mentor, and find ways to support the people around you. By giving, you create opportunities to connect with others on a deeper level. Working side by side with fellow volunteers fosters relationships and builds a sense of community. People appreciate those who contribute and are more likely to reciprocate with friendship.

3. Find a New Hobby

Engaging in a new hobby can open doors to meeting like-minded individuals. For instance, at 52, I took up standup comedy. While I’m not expecting a Netflix special, performing standup regularly introduced me to a whole new circle of friends, many of whom were younger. This allowed me to take on a mentoring role, sharing life experiences while learning from their comedic skills.

Other people might take up dancing, learn to play an instrument, or pursue any number of interests. The key is to get out of the house and do something that excites you. Shared experiences are the foundation of friendships. By participating in activities you enjoy, you naturally surround yourself with potential friends.

If you’re struggling with loneliness despite these efforts, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Many people our age are reluctant to see a therapist unless they’re in a crisis. However, talking to a professional can provide valuable guidance and help you realize that you’re more fortunate and connected than you might think.

Building a fulfilling social life after 50 requires effort and patience, but the rewards are well worth it. By getting involved, giving back, and finding new hobbies, you can create lasting friendships and combat loneliness. Remember, it’s never too late to enrich your life with meaningful connections. So, get out there, stay active in your community, and embrace the journey of building new relationships.

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• Thom Singer is a keynote speaker and the CEO of the Austin Technology Council. He has been on a quest for many years to make age 50 to 75 the best years of his life and now wants to help others do the same.